Almost one month ago, I did had my 33-year-old birthday. That has make me worried. Because I only got 7 years to loose weight, find a partner, get pregnant and have three children and maybe get married. If I get my only child at 40, I won't see grandchildren to grow. And if I don't have kids at all, my life will be dull for the next 55 years and there is no point just breathe, sleep and be alive. Life have to have meaning. I'm now 152,6 kilos and not loving my life. I just sit all day long, doing nothing. In this weight that I'm now, I can't really do much. Except be on a diet and try to loose the weight. Goal is to weight 100 kilos on 3rd of September 2018, that's one kilo a week. Which is doable if I do exercise at least 5 times a week. I have some group exercise every week. Here is my timetable:
Monday: aqua gymnastic exercise group
Tuesday: gym on my own
Wednesday: gym on my own
Thursday: gym on my own
Friday: aqua gymnastic exercise group
Weekend is resting and on every Sundays I meet my sister and do some activities together. On exercise I start by doing little each time, getting used to be on the move. Then gradually I will increase active time but staying on five times a week. Goal is to be able to move one hour by end of November and then have one tough six month workout. When I challenge my self over and over again. And learn how to get my work out as part of my life for rest of my life. But than again, I always get excited and start plan things, but when its time to do something, I never do. For example my garden, I have cut the grass exactly two times this summer + what one other person did. I haven't take care of my garden at all. I have big job ahead and though of it makes my motivation go down. My dreams are big, major big, the biggest you can ever dream on. But my skills are zero, motivation in the bottom, physic ability zero, financial status zero. Dreaming doesn't make any harm, but when you belong to the bottom of food chain, its hard to get up or even make it to the top. Just sec ago when I was laying on the bed in the sun rise, I imagine that I had built a barn and turn it into wood workshop, small bathroom and kitchen and the end of the space into amazing living space with balcony where six people can sleep and with huge end windows. Only the barns' outside frame, roof and part of windows where made ready for me. Others job task I could imagine my head me doing them. And I even know the place where I would like to build this dream of mine. But any case, first I need to get healthy and loose the weight before I can even take my first step in any direction in my life. Heart attack is closing by, diabetes, high cholesterol, stroke, you name it. I'm not in the path of chasing dreams, I'm on the path of dying young. I always imagine that some one close person would die, and it would make me change the course of my life. But It more likely that someone might get the shock when I die. I don't wanna die, I wanna be able to live my life to it fullest, not just sitting inside four walls. And lets be realistic, I have lived inside four walls since I was 10-year-old, that's twenty years, and I still got about fifty years left be before I end up in elderly peoples home, inside four walls. So basically I haven't had any better life than the old peoples who have been trap in their homes because they can't manage to get out the house because of physical limitation. I'm young, the physical limitations are in my head, and the current physical conditions are cause by me and me alone can fix them too. I got fifty summers, autumns, winter and spring ahead of me, half of that time goes raising children, other time enjoying the life. What all thing I wanna do when I'm in that condition? Sub-boarding, adventure park, hiking, take canoe trip, downhill skiing and skiing in the forest full of snow, built a snowman and snow castle, camping, built a house, swim with my dog, walk all over the place, see foreign countries, see royal wedding, see my cousins and relatives, travel to Lapland to see Santa Clause and sleep in glass igloo, see The Great Wall of China, visit New York, see great whale in Island, visit Sahara and pyramids, see safari, make one month volunteer work, be box collector in charity societies (roosa nauha, punainen risti, nälkäpäivä, kummit ry), bicycle everywhere, walk marathon, do caravan a round Finland and Nordic countries, visit friend Stephanie in Australia, buy a new clothes in Oxford Street London, take part to Samba carnival, go to Kumpula's lido, and all nice things... that involve me moving and doing things.
No comments:
Post a Comment