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Thursday, 24 August 2017
My Lovely Maple Tree from my Elementary School Yard Has Been Destroyed
Today I did find a article about Pihlajistos' gian maple tree. Because of storm damages and weak branches, all but the tree trunk was cut down. First they did cut down the fallen branch and then the dangerous ones. I was big, beautifull, my safe place during Elementary School classes one and two. Pihlajisto is my childhood area in Helsinki. Close by areas were Pihlajamäki, Viikki and Savela. This Maple tree did get conservation nature regording in 2000 when Helsinki celebrated its 450 year of presence.
Monday, 21 August 2017
Immature life of mine
It's something I have thought for a some time now. What kind of person I'm compare to others? Quite immature, at least that what I think. I have naive sight of the world and I spend my days like teenager on a weekend. Because of my disability pension, every day is free day to me. No responsibilities, no obligations towards other people, no school or work, no own family to take care, right now I don't even have my own dog to take care. And I have figure out that the reason why I can't take care of my garden and home is because I don't have any hurry in my life. I can always transfer thing to do for later that day or for a next day, or even a next week. I don't take the responsibility about my self either. My brain don't believe that I can do anything I want on every day of my life!!! Some basic living money is guaranteed, its not much but gives roof over my head and food on my tummy. But why ain't my head believing its freedom?
In a day I got at least 14 hours time to do things, anything I want, in a week 98 hours, in a month 420 hours, in a season 1260 hours, in a half of year 2520 hours, and a year 5040 hours. I got more free time then what I had in UK. Its a enormously a free time!!! Maybe the time has lost it meaning for me because only thing that I have done since 1.1.2010 is rest, rest and rest. And I have change from best life to couch potato and gained 82 kilos of body fat.
What would then to be mature life in my case? Concentrate on dieting, waking up early and going bed on time, keeping clean house, improve social skills and small talk, study new things, read news, have a improving hobby. How about starting one of those.
Writing continues at night on 21st of August 2017
Now my mind doesn't get any rest. I did make very good schedule about when I do exercise, cleaning, meet people, do laundry, ect. But I'm not able to believe it will happen. I do not believe that tomorrow morning I go to first in shower then I go to gym. I believe it will go to next month before I will even try to familiarise into the gym where I planned to go. I had in my previous gym Fitness24seven membership for three years and I didn't go there not even once. I paid 530 euros for nothing. This new gym would cost 27 euros a month if I take 3 month gym card.
Friday, 18 August 2017
My dreams
I'm still hopeful that I can make it to my friend place tomorrow. Its now Friday at 10.30 pm and I'm stress out and so is my stomach. Toilet and toilet paper are my friend right now. I hope I can get at least six hours to sleep so that I'm able to wake up tomorrow morning and catch the coach to Elimäki to see my good friend.
I have for a long time wondered out what could be my motivations during my dieting and life change routines? And I have come to the conclusion that it's not just the major thing I want to do, like travel abroad and have a family. Right now it's the small things. Like fitting to clothes, to fit in movie theater seats and bus/train seats, able to walk in the middle of nature, make it to grocery shop and back home yourself, just stand on different events, able to seat on the beach or in the park in the ground whit out need of chair, able to do things with your family and friends without limitations of your own body. Bigger dream are able to go to work, have a family, able to go on a date, travel and take part of activities, move freely, have a hobbies, pose for a art type of photographs, live in UK, do volunteer work in home country and abroad, go to see at least one royal wedding (hopefully British), to see my relatives, all of them. So I just have to find that one special day, when I voluntarily grab my self on the neck, and start to change my life. I have always think its a Monday, but then hole day goes by doing nothing and day ends. On Tuesday I think I start on next Monday, and so the weeks and months go by without me doing anything at all.
Added 19th of August 2017
Sorry, writing went on break. Didn't make it to see my friend.
I have for a long time wondered out what could be my motivations during my dieting and life change routines? And I have come to the conclusion that it's not just the major thing I want to do, like travel abroad and have a family. Right now it's the small things. Like fitting to clothes, to fit in movie theater seats and bus/train seats, able to walk in the middle of nature, make it to grocery shop and back home yourself, just stand on different events, able to seat on the beach or in the park in the ground whit out need of chair, able to do things with your family and friends without limitations of your own body. Bigger dream are able to go to work, have a family, able to go on a date, travel and take part of activities, move freely, have a hobbies, pose for a art type of photographs, live in UK, do volunteer work in home country and abroad, go to see at least one royal wedding (hopefully British), to see my relatives, all of them. So I just have to find that one special day, when I voluntarily grab my self on the neck, and start to change my life. I have always think its a Monday, but then hole day goes by doing nothing and day ends. On Tuesday I think I start on next Monday, and so the weeks and months go by without me doing anything at all.
Added 19th of August 2017
Sorry, writing went on break. Didn't make it to see my friend.
Thursday, 17 August 2017
on my diet
So on 9th of august was my 33-year birthday. It was nice day with my mom and stepdad. We cut the grass on my small garden. Mom baked crepes for us to eat with berries and whipped cream. It was short but nice day.
My eating has gone spiral down to hill. I just eat everything that is easy to make and eat and that taste good. All home made fast food. I don't eat junk food, like hamburgers and pizza or fizzy drinks or take away food, but I do eat chicken nuggets and ready mayonnaise salads, white bread, Nordic kind of sour milk, quark, skimmed milk (a lot of), yoghourts, ice cream, pastries, hot chocolate, ect. But the bigger problem is that I eat a hell a of lot of these on one sitting. It's not one small quark but 4-5 small quarks or one big one 500 grams on less then 5 minutes. Ice cream goes 4 sticks or 1 liter at one go. And I'm infatuated on skimmed milk, I drink about 2-3 liter a day, which can make up to 1350 calories a day. Chicken nuggets are my food when I need something salty to eat, then I eat up to 15 nuggets on one meal when a normal person eats about five. I'm sure people in eating disorder clinic don't like my laziness of controlling my eating habits. My job has been to eat only and always 2000 calories per day now for three months, and I haven't manage to do it. All these eating plans has been done, but none to follow. I just don't have the functions to do it. My body hasn't used to do every day routines at around home. I'm so passive on my body and mind that I don't bothered even do breakfast on my own, so I just don't eat breakfast. I only eat when my mind tells me to, or when graving demand it. Not when I'm hungry or when its eating time. I actually only got 2½ months time to learn the right eating habits and day routine. For example its now 3 pm I have been awake since 11 am and eat quark with pineapple for breakfast and lunch 15 chicken nuggets. Not healthy at all. And nothing to drink, not even water! I should drink at least 2 liter water a day to my body to function well.
One thing that has bothered me hole summer is anxiety attacks. So I haven't feel that good for last 3½ months. Sun is the biggest problem for me. The heat, sweating, a annoying moist skin, wet clothes from sweat, oppressive air, hot burning sun. All that in everyday, so it's kind of allowed to draw curtains in front of windows and lay on the bed under the ventilator. Problem? Yes! You end up sleeping the hole day! This is what happened to me this and last summer. Actually this has happened to me since being hospitalize in 2013 end of summer. The summer 2013 I slept the hole summer and it has continued ever since. I got out of hospital in the beginning of summer 2014. Anxiety and depression did hit me and badly, so I got my self a treatment. If I break even I little sweat I start feel uncomfortable, edgy, tired, powerless, and feel like call it a day. I hate that over all feeling. It stops me doing everything I ever wanted to do. And the bigger I get, the harder it gets. I know couple of person who has had these same difficulties than me at their younger age and are now almost prisons of their own home because they can't do anything with massive body weight they need to carry on with them. These don't have helping hand like my good friend / neighbour "uno" whose name shall stay secret. "Uno" has personal assistant to help around house and tasks outside home. I'm lucky to get ride from "uno" to food shop, because I can't carry my foods to home from closest food market. I'm so unfit. This has two sides on it. This car ride is the enabler for me to get the all the foods I want which I don't manage to carry my own, but in the other hand I would otherwise order in some junk food and end up spending much more money on foods then otherwise I would. I need "uno"s car help but its up to me to control what i buy from food market. From now on, i only go to food shopping if fridge is almost empty and when I go to shopping I make beforehand grocery list which I stick to. If I need just few things I ask my friend to buy those for me. Because often when I go buy two or three things, I come up with two or three bags of food with me to bring home. To other people one shopping bag of food is enough for one week and I eat 3 to 4 shopping bags of food. No wonder I got this big!!!
I simply don't do anything, except surfing internet day after day. I don't watch television or play PlayStation games, read magazines, take care my garden, or anything. I just sit my feet up all day long. I know it but haven't realized but I'm kind of those people on television who are always eating and are couch potato with food all over clothes, hands dirty, double chin, like people on the poor living areas on USA. No decent cloths. And you look like bum at front of home porch. Little by little a have realize how ugly my body looks like. Before I didn't have opinion about my body, not even when I was normal weight. Now I see details in my body that I don't like. Like my underarms, full of stretch marks, fat waves, surgery scar, on top of arm there is red and pimply rash. What I then want to look like? Rash free, pimply free, scar free, stretch marks free and fat wave free body, and also (for the future) loose skin free. My ideal weight is between 62 to 73 kilos. And now I'm 155 kilos, so I need to loose up to 82 to 93 kilos. Thankfully Finland health care will remove excess skin if it cause problems, like rash and wounds. The line is 6 months. I also wish to get rid of my hernia that i got on my upper belly.
I just saw a lovely picture of so called "plus" size model. That exactly body that I would be very happy to have. I don't need to be skin and bone like Hollywood actresses and super models are.
I did just read my earlier writings and had totally forgot That how I did plan to loose weight. It was like -400 calories I loose up on food and -600 calories burn by exercise. The problem is that now i'm not allowed to eat -400 calories less. Maybe i just eat that 2000 calories on a day for next 4½months so that metabolism will balance out. And I believe i will loose that -600 calories a day if I just start to move regularly and daily. Here are some calories burning numbers:
Weight 155 kilos:
sport: time burn calories
walking 60 minutes 488 calories
walking 45 minutes 366 calories
walking 30 minutes 244 calories
gym 60 minutes 976 calories
gym 45 minutes 732 calories
gym 30 minutes 488 calories
exercise bike 60 minutes 976 calories
exercise bike 45 minutes 671 calories
exercise bike 30 minutes 447 calories
exercise bike 15 minutes 223 calories
exercise bike 10 minutes 149 calories
exercise bike 5 minutes 74 calories (I start with this)
water running 60 minutes 1302 calories
water running 45 minutes 976 calories
water running 30 minutes 651 calories
swim 30 minutes 570 calories
swim 15 minutes 285 calories
swim 10 minutes 190 calories
swim 5 minutes 108 calories (I start with this)
And then some calories that I can burn at home:
hoovering 15 minutes 142 calories
walking the dog 15 minutes 122 calories
walking the dog 30 minutes 241 calories
walking the dog 45 minutes 366 calories
food shopping 15 minutes 142 calories
raking 15 minutes 162 calories
gardening 15 minutes 162 calories
gardening 30 minutes 325 calories
gardening 60 minutes 651 calories
mow 15 minutes 244 calores
And then some personal stuff 😉
take a shower 5 minutes 27 calories
take a shower 10 minutes 54 calories
take a shower 15 minutes 81 calories
take a shower 30 minutes 162 calories
resting 15 minutes 40 calories
resting 30 minutes 80 calories
resting 60 minutes 160 calories
My eating has gone spiral down to hill. I just eat everything that is easy to make and eat and that taste good. All home made fast food. I don't eat junk food, like hamburgers and pizza or fizzy drinks or take away food, but I do eat chicken nuggets and ready mayonnaise salads, white bread, Nordic kind of sour milk, quark, skimmed milk (a lot of), yoghourts, ice cream, pastries, hot chocolate, ect. But the bigger problem is that I eat a hell a of lot of these on one sitting. It's not one small quark but 4-5 small quarks or one big one 500 grams on less then 5 minutes. Ice cream goes 4 sticks or 1 liter at one go. And I'm infatuated on skimmed milk, I drink about 2-3 liter a day, which can make up to 1350 calories a day. Chicken nuggets are my food when I need something salty to eat, then I eat up to 15 nuggets on one meal when a normal person eats about five. I'm sure people in eating disorder clinic don't like my laziness of controlling my eating habits. My job has been to eat only and always 2000 calories per day now for three months, and I haven't manage to do it. All these eating plans has been done, but none to follow. I just don't have the functions to do it. My body hasn't used to do every day routines at around home. I'm so passive on my body and mind that I don't bothered even do breakfast on my own, so I just don't eat breakfast. I only eat when my mind tells me to, or when graving demand it. Not when I'm hungry or when its eating time. I actually only got 2½ months time to learn the right eating habits and day routine. For example its now 3 pm I have been awake since 11 am and eat quark with pineapple for breakfast and lunch 15 chicken nuggets. Not healthy at all. And nothing to drink, not even water! I should drink at least 2 liter water a day to my body to function well.
One thing that has bothered me hole summer is anxiety attacks. So I haven't feel that good for last 3½ months. Sun is the biggest problem for me. The heat, sweating, a annoying moist skin, wet clothes from sweat, oppressive air, hot burning sun. All that in everyday, so it's kind of allowed to draw curtains in front of windows and lay on the bed under the ventilator. Problem? Yes! You end up sleeping the hole day! This is what happened to me this and last summer. Actually this has happened to me since being hospitalize in 2013 end of summer. The summer 2013 I slept the hole summer and it has continued ever since. I got out of hospital in the beginning of summer 2014. Anxiety and depression did hit me and badly, so I got my self a treatment. If I break even I little sweat I start feel uncomfortable, edgy, tired, powerless, and feel like call it a day. I hate that over all feeling. It stops me doing everything I ever wanted to do. And the bigger I get, the harder it gets. I know couple of person who has had these same difficulties than me at their younger age and are now almost prisons of their own home because they can't do anything with massive body weight they need to carry on with them. These don't have helping hand like my good friend / neighbour "uno" whose name shall stay secret. "Uno" has personal assistant to help around house and tasks outside home. I'm lucky to get ride from "uno" to food shop, because I can't carry my foods to home from closest food market. I'm so unfit. This has two sides on it. This car ride is the enabler for me to get the all the foods I want which I don't manage to carry my own, but in the other hand I would otherwise order in some junk food and end up spending much more money on foods then otherwise I would. I need "uno"s car help but its up to me to control what i buy from food market. From now on, i only go to food shopping if fridge is almost empty and when I go to shopping I make beforehand grocery list which I stick to. If I need just few things I ask my friend to buy those for me. Because often when I go buy two or three things, I come up with two or three bags of food with me to bring home. To other people one shopping bag of food is enough for one week and I eat 3 to 4 shopping bags of food. No wonder I got this big!!!
I simply don't do anything, except surfing internet day after day. I don't watch television or play PlayStation games, read magazines, take care my garden, or anything. I just sit my feet up all day long. I know it but haven't realized but I'm kind of those people on television who are always eating and are couch potato with food all over clothes, hands dirty, double chin, like people on the poor living areas on USA. No decent cloths. And you look like bum at front of home porch. Little by little a have realize how ugly my body looks like. Before I didn't have opinion about my body, not even when I was normal weight. Now I see details in my body that I don't like. Like my underarms, full of stretch marks, fat waves, surgery scar, on top of arm there is red and pimply rash. What I then want to look like? Rash free, pimply free, scar free, stretch marks free and fat wave free body, and also (for the future) loose skin free. My ideal weight is between 62 to 73 kilos. And now I'm 155 kilos, so I need to loose up to 82 to 93 kilos. Thankfully Finland health care will remove excess skin if it cause problems, like rash and wounds. The line is 6 months. I also wish to get rid of my hernia that i got on my upper belly.
I just saw a lovely picture of so called "plus" size model. That exactly body that I would be very happy to have. I don't need to be skin and bone like Hollywood actresses and super models are.
Weight 155 kilos:
sport: time burn calories
walking 60 minutes 488 calories
walking 45 minutes 366 calories
walking 30 minutes 244 calories
gym 60 minutes 976 calories
gym 45 minutes 732 calories
gym 30 minutes 488 calories
exercise bike 60 minutes 976 calories
exercise bike 45 minutes 671 calories
exercise bike 30 minutes 447 calories
exercise bike 15 minutes 223 calories
exercise bike 10 minutes 149 calories
exercise bike 5 minutes 74 calories (I start with this)
water running 60 minutes 1302 calories
water running 45 minutes 976 calories
water running 30 minutes 651 calories
swim 30 minutes 570 calories
swim 15 minutes 285 calories
swim 10 minutes 190 calories
swim 5 minutes 108 calories (I start with this)
And then some calories that I can burn at home:
hoovering 15 minutes 142 calories
walking the dog 15 minutes 122 calories
walking the dog 30 minutes 241 calories
walking the dog 45 minutes 366 calories
food shopping 15 minutes 142 calories
raking 15 minutes 162 calories
gardening 15 minutes 162 calories
gardening 30 minutes 325 calories
gardening 60 minutes 651 calories
mow 15 minutes 244 calores
And then some personal stuff 😉
take a shower 5 minutes 27 calories
take a shower 10 minutes 54 calories
take a shower 15 minutes 81 calories
take a shower 30 minutes 162 calories
resting 15 minutes 40 calories
resting 30 minutes 80 calories
resting 60 minutes 160 calories
Saturday, 5 August 2017
just doing list of things
Weekly tasks:
- clean the home every Monday and Thursday
- cut the grass every Thursday before sauna
- take a routine on morning tasks, wake up in the morning, not morning afternoon
- take spa day for your feet ones' a week
- wash dishes daily
- go to gym four days a week and two times to water-running
- stay awake hole day
- take care of your appearance daily
- wash your cloths on Thursdays
- prepare your food ready for next two days on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday
- go to grocery store on Saturdays
- do gardening tasks
- go for a walk on weekends
- go to cafe
- write your blog
- keep a food diary, exercise diary, weight loss diary
Monthly tasks:
- wash windows and mirrors
- do decorations at home
- do a movie night twice a month
- go out for lunch or dinner
- go to library
- paint something from start to finish
- do a coloring book
- see your friends
- enjoy outdoors
- learn to change your eating habits little by little
- do one big organisation in your home
Year tasks:
- paint the kitchen chairs and cover the seat
- dig up the flower bush
- prepare the garden to winter state
- paint the bedroom mirror to silver
- organize the entry hall's closets
- sell your small clothes
- paint the bathroom door
- organize living stuff and get rid off extra stuff, move two kallax-shelf into bedroom
- sell bedroom drawer and self
- organize your storage room completely and get rid off extra stuff
- find your anatomy book
- go to Heureka to see animal body art show and galaxy panorama show
- go to Elimäki to see your friend
- see some cultural show and Christmas concert
- save money to go to aboard
- cover sofa with fabric and decorate it
- hung up the outdoor lights
- in 25th of November put up Christmas lights
- make Christmas wreath and decorations
- wash carpets
- re-arrange kitchen closets
- get ready to get your dog back to you
Past year and Future plans
Hello Everyone! 😊
First of all, welcome to my blog which have change the name to Annikas' Weight Loss Journey. It's no more Finnish language but English language from now on. 😎
Those who don't understand Finnish language and can't there for read my earlier blog writings, here are thing happened this far in short version: gain loss +3,4kg so i gained weigh instead of loosing it, many promises and plans and beginnings to start exercise and healthy eating, no succeed in there, lot of self reflections and life realizations has happened, writings about eating disorder clinic and my future dreams and of course of my lovely dog which i love so much.
I have for long time kept these excel documents where i have followed many times things that i do. There are many documents existing. I have in one document a page where i write down for example sleeping hours, shower days, days without biting my nails, daily walking minutes, daily exercise, ect. I was thinking maybe i could make following blog writing to follow it here instead. But shorter version about it.
I just bought 3 month gym card to local gym. And in the beginning of summer renew my special need swimming card to get in Helsinki city swimming halls. I also bought this big exercise ball that can stand up to 300kg, so when i'm weighing 155kg, it should carry me safely. So here i have everything i need to really start my exercise routines 😊
By inspiration by others weight loss blogs, I will start to put pictures of what i'm eating, one picture where is everything i ate per that day. The food that i'm eating is basic food. I don't have the money to buy special foods and this isn't food blog. There is camera on the phone these days so there is no reason not to take a picture what i have eaten that day.
By inspiration by others weight loss blogs, I will start to put pictures of what i'm eating, one picture where is everything i ate per that day. The food that i'm eating is basic food. I don't have the money to buy special foods and this isn't food blog. There is camera on the phone these days so there is no reason not to take a picture what i have eaten that day.
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