Welcome

Welcome

Thursday 17 August 2017

on my diet

So on 9th of august was my 33-year birthday. It was nice day with my mom and stepdad. We cut the grass on my small garden. Mom baked crepes for us to eat with berries and whipped cream. It was short but nice day.

My eating has gone spiral down to hill. I just eat everything that is easy to make and eat and that taste good. All home made fast food. I don't eat junk food, like hamburgers and pizza or fizzy drinks or take away food, but I do eat chicken nuggets and ready mayonnaise salads, white bread, Nordic kind of sour milk, quark, skimmed milk (a lot of), yoghourts, ice cream, pastries, hot chocolate, ect. But the bigger problem is that I eat a hell a of lot of these on one sitting. It's not one small quark but 4-5 small quarks or one big one 500 grams on less then 5 minutes. Ice cream goes 4 sticks or 1 liter at one go. And I'm infatuated on skimmed milk, I drink about 2-3 liter a day, which can make up to 1350 calories a day. Chicken nuggets are my food when I need something salty to eat, then I eat up to 15 nuggets on one meal when a normal person eats about five. I'm sure people in eating disorder clinic don't like my laziness of controlling my eating habits. My job has been to eat only and always 2000 calories per day now for three months, and I haven't manage to do it. All these eating plans has been done, but none to follow. I just don't have the functions to do it. My body hasn't used to do every day routines at around home. I'm so passive on my body and mind that I don't bothered even do breakfast on my own, so I just don't eat breakfast. I only eat when my mind tells me to, or when graving demand it. Not when I'm hungry or when its eating time. I actually only got 2½ months time to learn the right eating habits and day routine. For example its now 3 pm I have been awake since 11 am and eat quark with pineapple for breakfast and lunch 15 chicken nuggets. Not healthy at all. And nothing to drink, not even water! I should drink at least 2 liter water a day to my body to function well.

One thing that has bothered me hole summer is anxiety attacks. So I haven't feel that good for last 3½ months. Sun is the biggest problem for me. The heat, sweating, a annoying moist skin, wet clothes from sweat, oppressive air, hot burning sun. All that in everyday, so it's kind of allowed to draw curtains in front of windows and lay on the bed under the ventilator. Problem? Yes! You end up sleeping the hole day! This is what happened to me this and last summer. Actually this has happened to me since being hospitalize in 2013 end of summer. The summer 2013 I slept the hole summer and it has continued ever since. I got out of hospital in the beginning of summer 2014. Anxiety and depression did hit me and badly, so I got my self a treatment. If I break even I little sweat I start feel uncomfortable, edgy, tired, powerless, and feel like call it a day. I hate that over all feeling. It stops me doing everything I ever wanted to do. And the bigger I get, the harder it gets. I know couple of person who has had these same difficulties than me at their younger age and are now almost prisons of their own home because they can't do anything with massive body weight they need to carry on with them. These don't have helping hand like my good friend / neighbour "uno" whose name shall stay secret. "Uno" has personal assistant to help around house and tasks outside home. I'm lucky to get ride from "uno" to food shop, because I can't carry my foods to home from closest food market. I'm so unfit. This has two sides on it. This car ride is the enabler for me to get the all the foods I want which I don't manage to carry my own, but in the other hand I would otherwise order in some junk food and end up spending much more money on foods then otherwise I would. I need "uno"s car help but its up to me to control what i buy from food market. From now on, i only go to food shopping if fridge is almost empty and when I go to shopping I make beforehand grocery list which I stick to. If I need just few things I ask my friend to buy those for me. Because often when I go buy two or three things, I come up with two or three bags of food with me to bring home. To other people one shopping bag of food is enough for one week and I eat 3 to 4 shopping bags of food. No wonder I got this big!!!

I simply don't do anything, except surfing internet day after day. I don't watch television or play PlayStation games, read magazines, take care my garden, or anything. I just sit my feet up all day long. I know it but haven't realized but I'm kind of those people on television who are always eating and are couch potato with food all over clothes, hands dirty, double chin, like people on the poor living areas on USA. No decent cloths. And you look like bum at front of home porch. Little by little a have realize how ugly my body looks like. Before I didn't have opinion about my body, not even when I was normal weight. Now I see details in my body that I don't like. Like my underarms, full of stretch marks, fat waves, surgery scar, on top of arm there is red and pimply rash. What I then want to look like? Rash free, pimply free, scar free, stretch marks free and fat wave free body, and also (for the future) loose skin free. My ideal weight is between 62 to 73 kilos. And now I'm 155 kilos, so I need to loose up to 82 to 93 kilos. Thankfully Finland health care will remove excess skin if it cause problems, like rash and wounds. The line is 6 months. I also wish to get rid of my hernia that i got on my upper belly.

I just saw a lovely picture of so called "plus" size model. That exactly body that I would be very happy to have. I don't need to be skin and bone like Hollywood actresses and super models are.
 I did just read my earlier writings and had totally forgot That how I did plan to loose weight. It was like -400 calories I loose up on food and -600 calories burn by exercise. The problem is that now i'm not allowed to eat -400 calories less. Maybe i just eat that 2000 calories on a day for next 4½months so that metabolism will balance out. And I believe i will loose that -600 calories a day if I just start to move regularly and daily. Here are some calories burning numbers:

Weight 155 kilos:
sport:                              time                          burn calories

walking                       60 minutes                    488 calories    
walking                       45 minutes                    366 calories
walking                       30 minutes                    244 calories
gym                            60 minutes                    976 calories
gym                            45 minutes                    732 calories
gym                            30 minutes                    488 calories
exercise bike                60 minutes                    976 calories
exercise bike                45 minutes                    671 calories
exercise bike                30 minutes                    447 calories
exercise bike                15 minutes                     223 calories
exercise bike                10 minutes                     149 calories
exercise bike                 5 minutes                      74 calories     (I start with this)
water running              60 minutes                    1302 calories
water running              45 minutes                    976 calories
water running              30 minutes                     651 calories
swim                           30 minutes                     570 calories
swim                            15 minutes                     285 calories
swim                            10 minutes                     190 calories
swim                             5 minutes                      108 calories     (I start with this)

And then some calories that I can burn at home:

hoovering   15 minutes  142 calories
walking the dog    15 minutes   122 calories
walking the dog    30 minutes   241 calories
walking the dog    45 minutes   366 calories
food shopping    15 minutes   142 calories
raking    15 minutes   162 calories
gardening   15 minutes  162 calories
gardening   30 minutes  325 calories
gardening   60 minutes  651 calories
mow   15 minutes  244 calores

And then some personal stuff 😉

take a shower     5 minutes   27 calories
take a shower      10 minutes   54 calories
take a shower      15 minutes   81 calories
take a shower      30 minutes   162 calories
resting        15 minutes   40 calories
resting        30 minutes  80 calories
resting        60 minutes   160 calories















No comments:

Post a Comment